Do you ever wish you were somewhere else, but here?
I have. But God has been gently reassuring me that it is okay to be here when I am WITH Him. In my messy process of learning to love and live like Him.
He is lovingly patient with me even as I struggle with impatience and fully receiving His love.
What does my here look like?
Yesterday, I was not very patient (internally) with the woman with way more than 15 items in the 15 item Express Check-out Line ahead of me. She had a cartload of items, and she disappeared after most of her items were bagged while I and the clerk waited.
The clerk didn't mind waiting because she was friends with the woman. I gleaned this tidbit while I waited and prayed about not fuming because, really does this matter in the big scheme of things? Not, right?
After what felt like several minutes, the woman reappeared with more beer, then she said, to no one in particular, "Oh, it is a 15 Item line?"
Because they were friends, the clerk said, "It doesn't matter, no one was in line." The woman didn't disagree.
Her words made me think of the adage "It is not what you know, but who you know that matters." Clearly true as I stood invisible in this grocery chain's 15 Item Express Line.
This is where I wanted to yell, "Yes, it is fine, no one is in line, just me, nobody." My carb and sleep-craving brain and body did not have the energy to reply.
But the reality was my heart was not feeling gracious at all. I waited with my six items and did not say a word. I did not chat with the clerk like I usually do when it is my turn.
As I walked out, I whispered a breath prayer to God. "Help me to see you."
I am free to tell God that I felt discounted. Whispers from the past about how my feelings really don't matter surface.
I wish I could have been gracious and told the woman, "It is okay, it happens, sometimes we don't notice that we're in an express lane." I wish I could have said to the clerk, "Excuse me, but I am in line and I am not 'no one.'" On and on.
But I didn't.
The reality is where I do I go from, but from here? And isn't He a God of ALL reality, including my present imperfect here? I realize there are bigger issues in the world but this was where I was yesterday and God was speaking to me.
The God who came in flesh like a babe to be born in a stinky and dirty manger. [No offense to the animals present.] The God, who is so big, that He can actually care about each of us as INDIVIDUALS.
He is not a mass-marketing, one-size-fits-all, God.
I have a long way to go to be formed into Christ's image in my desires, thoughts, words, and actions. But that's okay. The point is: I am here WITH HIM.
More importantly, I am free to be here because He is WITH me and He loves me. (Heb. 13:5)
He IS changing me. Slowly. Sometimes imperceptibly, He is changing my thoughts about who He is, who I am, and who others are.
The freedom to admit that I am here with my emotions and process to God is the doorway through which I have the freedom to grow and change.
Where are you today? What does your "here" look like? Are you able to invite God to be part of it with you?
Linking up with Emily at Imperfect Prose.
Image courtesy of: chirkyblog
© Soul Stops/Dolly L. 2011. All Rights Reserved.