Jubi as a young dog at Carmel Beach (a favorite spot when we can visit).

Jubi has been gone for over three months, and our girl wants another dog something fierce.

For the past month, she searched online at different rescue groups looking for a dog. She wrote lists for what she wanted in a new dog.

Every meal, she talks about the dogs she found: Scarlett, cute puppy but already adopted, Teddy, same story after we applied, and then there was Bruno, and then Peanut...more about those last two.

She has laser-focus. Can you say persuasive?

My heart was torn. Originally, I told her we would not get a dog right away because we needed to grieve Jubi.

My reason was based on H. Norman Wright's book, Recovering From the Losses of Life, and how we can bypass the necessary and hard work of grief by immediately looking for a replacement. You know, the sudden jumping into a new relationship because loss is so painful.

Then a friend said each person's process is different, and I know our girl's grief differs from my deeper grief. So I gave into her desire to look for another dog.

All the while, I kept telling her we were praying for God's leading to bring the right dog into our lives.

We passed several phone interviews, and we were granted a visit with Bruno (a 10-11 month yellow lab rescued from a shelter) about two weeks ago.

Before we met Bruno, our girl kept asking me, "Is it God's will that we get him because we've gotten so far in the process?"

I get where she is coming from: we all want certainty. Control.

Like a broken record, I replied, "I don't know. I don't know what God's will is. I just know we are to pray, and God will do what is best for us."

Was she happy with my answer? Probably not, as she kept asking the same question over and over, and I kept giving the same answer.

After what we thought was a great 15 minute visit with Bruno, and encouraging words from the rescue rep, we waited for a reply.

About 3-4 days later, we learned Bruno was given to a family with teenagers because the trainer, who evaluated Bruno, thought he should not go to a family with younger kids.

We were disappointed as all signs seemed to point to "yes." Secretly, I was relieved. Bruno was a little frenetic, and required much time to train and exercise. Moreover, on the days leading up to our visit with Bruno, and afterwards, tears kept surprising me as I missed Jubi.

Then, there was Peanut (a shepherd/retriever mix). Another rescue group said, "yes." We spent Saturday afternoon preparing the house for her arrival as a foster-adopt.

We planned to pick Peanut up on Tuesday as instructed.

On Sunday, we were told the shelter had made a mistake and given Peanut to another rescue group. No Peanut. Our poor girl was very sad.

She became convinced that God would never give us another dog. She doubted God's goodness. All understandable.

We acknowledged her disappointment. We listened as she talked.

Then I reminded her God intervened, and said "no" because He had another dog in mind for our family. We had prayed. If we had gotten Peanut, then we would have missed out on the dog God had for us.

We must trust God's timing and provision. I learned this truth the hard way, and I still need to relearn it sometimes.

We will either trust God to provide what we need, or we will trust ourselves to provide, and miss out on God's best provision for us.

Then we went to church, and the message was on Genesis 1-11;  it dealt with trusting God to provide.

Ahem.

Adam and Eve didn't trust God with what He had provided (Gen. 2:9.15-17). They wanted to be like God without God.

Because Adam and Eve didn't trust God to provide what was best for them, they grasped for what looked best to them. And they discovered: there is no God's best apart from obeying God.

This runs so counter to our human tendencies, and popular cultural views.

So Eve, then Adam, listened to the serpent's lie (Gen. 3:1-6), and they ate from the one tree, God told Adam not to eat from. And the consequences of their choice unfolded: they felt shame for the first time, hid from God, blamed another, competition between brothers, murder etc.

Yet, we also see God's grace, as He begins the restoration process with the promise of a Messiah hidden at the end of Gen. 3:15.

If we're honest, we can all relate to Adam and Eve. The desire for control, and taking what we think is good for us. There are the obvious sins: lying, murder, and adultery to further one's goal.

But what about the subtle grasping for identity and self-worth instead of trusting God's provision through relationship with Him? If I have a child, or if I get married, or if I obtain this job/accomplishment, then I will be satisfied.

These are good dreams, and I am not disparaging them.

But if any dream, no matter how good, causes you to seek for life apart from God, then it ceases to be good for you. Why? Because your hope is now in that dream's fulfillment rather than in God's love for you.

God designed us to find our fullest life (or soul satisfaction) in relationship with Him.

I don't think we sinned by looking for another dog. But I was becoming concerned over how our girl's desire for a dog was affecting her relationship with God.

After my man and I talked last night, God showed me that I wasn't ready to open my heart to another dog. He cared more about my heart than I did. (Getting teary, here.)

Life is all about relationship with God. He surprises me by what He will do for relationship with you and me. He will send His only Son to die on a cross for us. Crazy, huh?

He loves you and me that much.

Questions to mull over:

Have you ever wanted a dream so bad that you didn't care what God said, you were going to forge ahead?

When has God said "no" to a dream, and in hindsight, you can see His love and grace in His "no?"

What dream are you trusting God to provide? A relationship? A job? Strength to deal with health issues? A new life vision?

Thank you for exploring with me during my dream series. I don't have a clear agenda. Just following where God leads.

Giving thanks with Ann:

-Our girl and a friend turning our living room into a "tent city" with cardboard boxes, fabric, and creativity.

-For how God pursues communication and relationship with you and me.

-How the failure to get Bruno and Peanut caused my hubby and I to have a talk, and for me to acknowledge that I wasn't quite ready for another dog, and that was okay.

-Learning to value my heart the way God does. Still learning...

-After writing this post, we were told that Peanut was available again....long story. For now, we will wait.

-God always has our best interests.

Linking today with sweet and gifted friend Laura, 

and giving thanks with wise Ann 

and the amazing Jen 

authentic Michelle

© Soul Stops/Dolly Lee 2012.

(Jubi's last visit to Carmel Beach.)

It has been a month since we said good-bye to our beloved Jubi..

I dreamed of Jubi last night: he charmed me with his sweet and independent (aka "I don't want to come right now...I'm busy sniffing) self.

His blue bed lies empty. I miss rubbing under his silky chin, and the soft purring sound he made only for me. It was his way of telling me he was content.

Jubi was our first dog, and the intensity of my grief, which ebbs and flows like waves, has surprised me.

The screen door opens, and I hear a knock on our front door. I peek through the peep-hole, and see a petite woman with short honey-blonde hair.

It is my very dear friend "Pam." She lost her sister, unexpectedly and quickly, to a brain tumor two months ago.

She planned to leave some unused art supplies at our doorstep.* But then she felt she should knock.

Because she walks closely to our Father's heart, she knocked. She gave up her plan so she could embrace God's plan in the moment.

I am very grateful she listened to His voice.

God knew I needed a hug, and a shoulder to cry on. We hugged tight.

She told me she had spent yesterday crying over her sister C. Today, she is better, and busy: drop off for me, then a quick visit to her mom before work.

She teared up as she talked about her sis, and we hugged again. Then she made an observation that helped me see my grief in a new light:

"I remember meeting you, and you told me you didn't have kids, but that you did have a dog named Jubi."

"At the time, you didn't know if you were ever going to be able to have kids."

"Remember that understanding your grief intellectually is not sufficient. It can't replace the emotional experience of living through this difficult time. You need to be patient and allow your feelings to catch up with your mind."

 

-H. Norman Wright, Recovering From Losses in Life

I am very humbled, and grateful God hugged me through my dear friend.

If you are grieving, I pray the God of all comfort wraps His loving arms around you. And may I give you a cyber-hug?

If you know someone, who has suffered a loss, may you offer her the gift of your presence. A listening ear, and a hug. No words necessary.

Thank you for the gift of your presence here. Truly.

How has God comforted you? How do you walk with a grieving friend?

*Pam's boys are grown up, and she graciously shares items with us as she cleans.

Read about Emily Wierenga's new book, Chasing Silhouettes, here.

Linking up with these lovely friends: check out their blogs and be blessed!

Copyright Dolly Lee/Soul Stops 2012.

After I wrote  about my way-out-of-my-comfort zone "project" (aka "a book proposal"*), our dog Jubi had a bad seizure.

I found him on the floor by his bed next to a mini-pool of saliva. As I stroked his head and chest while cleaning up, he lost control of his bowels - three times.

We decided to take him to the veterinarian after dinner. When we told our girl, who has known Jubi all of her life, she welled up, and wailed.

She wanted more time to say "good-bye" to him. "Why can't he stay alive till I'm in college?" "God raised Lazarus, why can't he let Jubi live?"

All good questions. I held her close. Tried to answer her questions (as best as I could) while affirming how sad she was feeling.

I reminded her of how he surprised us, and rallied several times in the past two years. But I knew where her ache was really coming from...we lose part of our heart when we say "good-bye."

We love, and we give our hearts away. It is no surprise that losing our loved one hurts like crazy. I couldn't take away her pain, or mine.

It is not part of God's original plan. I long for the day when God keeps His promise of a new heaven and a new earth (Revelation 21) and no more tears.

Saying good-bye is never easy, and we never ever have enough time with a beloved person or pet. (Thinking of the victims of the Aurora shooting, friends ("Pam," and "Laura"), and other recent tragedies.)

Any parent will know how hard it is when your child cries...body-wracking sobs, and for a long time. God and Jubi heard her, because he got up from his bed, and walked again...after being unable to for the past hour.

We prayed, and told her we would wait a day, but if he had another seizure that night, we would have to take him to the vet.

He slept through the night, and woke up full of renewed energy. God blessed him, and us with what would be a wonderful final 24+ hours.

I was cleaning up after dinner in the kitchen, when our girl told me: lots of saliva was coming out of Jubi's mouth.

Thankfully, we have a small space, so I ran to him, and placed both hands on him, and spoke to him until the seizure was over. Our girl now knew why we would have to take him to the vet. She still fought it, understandably.

For the past several months, my friends (bloggy & in-person) and I have been praying for God to make it very clear when was the right time. We never walked this road before, and we didn't want to say "good-bye" too early, or too late.

God answered all of our prayers. Thank you! Although it was one of the hardest things we have ever had to do, I also felt God's peace and presence.

Thank you, friends, for your prayers and kind words before, and after we said our teary good-byes to Jubi. He was part of our family for over 13.5 years, and he was my "first child" as I struggled with infertility.

(Jubi, as a puppy, shortly after we adopted him from the animal shelter... about 10 lbs...at his adult best, he was @ 60 lbs.)

We are grateful for all God taught us through caring for him, and for all the joy and laughter he brought us. He inspired many silly jingles/songs over the years.

Who knew a dog could unleash such, ahem, "well-hidden" talents?

My husband said we loved Jubi even though he was a stinky and demanding dog. Jubi was also very patient with kids and their curious hands.

He liked to kiss kids, and eat their cookies if they put them too close to his mouth. Happened once at a church picnic.

We have been looking at old pictures of Jubi, and remembering his quirky ways. Before he went deaf, Jubi always tilted his head sideways, and looked at you when you talked to him. Seriously. I think he was trying to understand our babble.

My husband, who very rarely cries, bawled with our girl and me. In short, we allowed ourselves to do the work of grief.

"When you enter into grief, you enter into the valley of shadows...It is painful. It is work. It is a lingering process. But it is necessary..." H. Norman Wright, Recovering from Losses in Life

• If you or someone you know is going through a season of grief, may I recommend the book quoted above. H. Norman Wright is a certified trauma counselor, and he has helped people affected by 9/11 and Katrina. In the book, he talks about the loss of his son, and also his dog.

It is full of practical suggestions, such as writing a form letter that you can give to family and friends after you have lost a loved one so you don't have to go through the trauma of repeating your story. He also gives ideas on saying "good-bye" when a loved one dies suddenly. If you would like me to write a post on grief recovery, let me know, and I will write one sometime in the next month or so.

Finally, will you join with me in praying for those affected by recent tragic events here and abroad?  Thank you.

I have missed blogging, and visiting my friends. Thanks to all, who kept in touch via email or Twitter. You were and are a blessing!

How do you deal with loss? What helps you in the grieving process?

If I can pray for you, please tell me via my contact page.

* P.S. I did not finish my book proposal before the She Speaks Conference, which was a week after we said good-bye to Jubi. I hope to share more about how God showed up at the conference in a later post. Not what you think... (guessing here/wink)

Love this inspiring miracle in one Aurora shooting victim's life... read the story and be amazed and blessed!

Just read this thought-provoking post about the Aurora shootings...

Linking with sweet, and gifted friend Laura for a play date

and giving thanks with wise Ann 

and talented L.L. Barkat

and the amazing Jen 

© Soul Stops/Dolly Lee 2012.